Dating tips for men and women

It is no secret that dating can be frustrating. These days, dating is different from the way it used to be years ago. The expectations of men and women seem to be more superficial and unrealistic. More men are saying they have a problem with dating the traditional way because women are taking advantage of the free meals and entertainment opportunities their dates afford without any intention of forming a serious relationship with them. Women are taking a dominant approach in hopes of mitigating relationship hurt and displeasure.

This disharmony has contributed to both men and women approaching dating with selfish motives due to the distrust that one group has with the other. The negative dating experiences have also caused men and women to be slow at being serious about the relationship, oftentimes causing at least one party to be dissatisfied.

There is no formula for dating. Dating will more than likely remain to be a challenge to those in the dating scene. However, the tips below can help you have a more satisfying experience even through relational disappointments.

Dating Tips for Women

• Be confident- Know that you are necessary and valuable. Your positive qualities are an asset. You may not look, talk, or act like every woman, but be content with who you are. You are enough! Whatever attributes you do not like about yourself, change them, within reason, of course. But remember, none of us are perfect. Do not allow your need for perfection to you!

• Know your worth - You may not have all the degrees and accolades that others have, but what you do have is your femininity, wit, flexibility, and insight. Your ability to multitask, create, innovate, and motivate are valuable to any relationship, and any healthy man would love to have a woman like you in his life. But before you worry about being all those things for a man, be them for yourself. Know that whether a man sees your value or not, your values remain a part of you. You do not have to convince a man that you are valuable by being provocative. Just be yourself. Be authentic and move with confidence. Your worth will show itself!

• Set standards- Though you have many assets and things to offer a man, create boundaries to protect yourself from unhealthy dating practices.

• Let a man Pursue you- Allow a man to pursue you. Do not make a man chase you but allow him the opportunity to show interest in you. Do not be desperate for his attention or time. If he is interested in you, he will make it known. When a man is consistent...respond accordingly to his consistencies. When he is not consistent, react appropriately to his lack of consistency.

• Do not give all your time- Dating takes time, but you should not wait around to give all of your time to dating. Have something to do or work on (i.e., education, business, hobbies, ministry, caregiving) between your time together.

• Do not accept what you cannot handle- Be honest with yourself about the things you are not comfortable with. For example, if your potential partner only wants a friendship and you want marriage, leave it alone and don’t engage. If you are working on yourself and not ready for a relationship, don’t force it. Wait to date until you are more confident and healthier mentally. So, do not force yourself to be okay with things you are not.

• Do not have unrealistic expectations- Every woman wants a man who is tall, dark, handsome, and rich. Unfortunately, that is not every man. Accept that you will not find a perfect man, but you can find the man perfect for you. Do not expect your relationship to be the same as your friend or the celebrities you see on tv. Your relationship experiences will differ, and you must be okay with that. Also, do not expect a man to have better values for you than you have for yourself. Allow God to lead you and get coaching when necessary.

• Communicate- Talk to your partner. Share your thoughts, likes, and dislikes with your partner. Talk to him about your day. Ask questions, get to know him, and allow him to get to know you. Be honest about your expectations and be clear about your thoughts. Be sure to talk respectfully and respond maturely.

• Listen- Listen to what the man says. It would be wise not to make up your own interpretation of what he is saying. Hear to know what he is saying and ask questions to gain understanding. Do not be quick to talk! Be quick to listen!

• Be realistic – Be willing to get to know the person you are dating before taking things to another level and being negatively impacted because it did not work out. Relationships are hard work and require both parties to put effort into making them successful. A relationship is not about pleasing each other sexually. It is about companionship and support. Getting to know your partner in the dating and courting stage will help you decide if the person is good for you or not. Not having unreasonable expectations will give you a more appreciative dating experience. Other things to consider: Do not expect from him what you do not for and from yourself. A person will treat you as good as you treat yourself. Know that your body will not keep a man, so do not be quick to give up your body because you think you possess the bedroom skills to hook him. It doesn’t work. Allow time and experience with him to reveal his character to you. It is your job to determine who is right for you, not their job. Also, believe what a man shows you!

Dating Tips for Men:

• Don’t be too sensitive- Know that everything will not always go how you want it, but that’s okay because life makes no promises. If a woman rejects you, it is not the end of the world. Women get rejected by men too. You do not have to allow that to stop you from pursuing another woman and making conversation. You never know...the next one may be favorable for you. Also, accept a woman being honest with you, especially about her feelings, even if it does not align with yours.

• Have respect- Be courteous to the woman you are dating. Some examples include opening doors for her, providing protection when applicable, speaking kindly to her, and respecting her space. Do not treat her like she is only good for one thing, meaning do not move too fast, too soon. If you do not feel like you can be respectful to her, leave her alone.

• Accept “No”- If a woman says she is not ready to take things to another level, be respectful of it. Try not to push yourself or your desires on her. (e. g. If she is not ready to be physically romantic with you, respect her decision to wait.)

• Be assertive- Most women prefer a man to approach them. It is not as easy for some women to approach a man (I don't believe she should, for those who expect or want that), so holding a friendly conversation with a woman will make it easier for a woman to open up. You must not be aggressive but be forthcoming.

• Be honest- Do not lie about who you are, what you want, and how you feel. Tell the truth to allow her the opportunity to make informed decisions about the relationship.

• Don’t have unrealistic expectations- Don’t expect wifely duties from a woman without her being your wife. Of course, you want to know that your partner is responsible and will be a team player in the relationship. But the more realistic approach is to observe her behavior and character during your courtship. Be watchful to see whether her words align with her actions. She does not have to play wife to prove she will be a good wife. But you want to choose wisely if your end goal is marriage. Outside of marriage, understand that certain things are not obligated to you.

• Be patient- I understand that most men are punctual, decisive, and less demanding. But unfortunately, that is not the case with many women. There may be times when she is not ready when you come to pick her up for a date, so to avoid getting angry and fussy, have a conversation about the importance of being on time for the occasion if tardiness becomes a problem. Also, many women have standards, so they may not navigate relationships the way you do. Therefore, be understanding about the situation and honest about your feelings without pressuring her to compromise.

• Communicate- Share your likes and dislikes. Listen to your partner when she speaks and respond appropriately.

You cannot control another person’s actions, but you can control yourself, and although dating may be challenging, you do not have to give up on it. Instead, the most beneficial thing you can do is to practice responsible dating habits to get the best out of your dating experience to limit regret. These dating tips were created with the consideration that women often date with their emotions instead of their intellect. Oftentimes, their feelings are rooted in their negative thoughts about themselves, the negative experiences from past relationships, and the unrealistic expectations they have due to idolizing someone else’s relationship. However, to have a healthy relationship, one must approach it holistically.