How to get over a breakup

I do not want to come across as brash, but let's address this foundational aspect: were you in an exclusive relationship with the person? I am not minimizing the difficulty of getting over someone with whom you have invested any significant amount of time and effort. 

However, asking this question is crucial, as it often reveals that the relationship wasn't exclusive, even if one party perceived it as such. And it is usually the person who treated it as exclusive when it wasn't who has a challenge letting it go. 

Though this article addresses anyone going through a breakup, if the above scenario resonates with you and you're struggling to let go of a relationship, acknowledging its non-exclusivity is essential. In addition to following the steps below, I recommend you take time from relationships and focus on inner healing. Taking the time for healing is vital to achieving a more balanced and fulfilling dating experience.

While you can go with the flow and let things play out when dating, it is necessary to clearly understand the relationship dynamic with your partner to minimize confusion so you will know what type of relationship you are entering. In instances when there is a lack of clarity, it is important to recognize that the relationship is not exclusive, and you should protect your emotional investment. 

Now, let's delve into how to navigate a breakup. The steps below do not have to occur in a particular order. However, following each concept will ensure a balanced healing process after a breakup.

Here's how:

Acknowledge the relationship dynamic 

As mentioned earlier, it's crucial to grasp the dynamics of the relationship you were in. If there wasn't a conversation about the relationship status, own up to it. The mere fact that you engaged in couple-related activities doesn't replace the need for clear communication to define the relationship.

The absence of a discussion about the relationship status implies that you are, in essence, friends spending time together. Being friends does not mean that the relationship is not significant. It simply indicates a gradual approach to getting to know one another. It is important to know this because you may not agree with the type of relationship your potential partner wants to entertain. 

In cases where you did discuss the relationship status and reached an understanding, reflect on the state of the relationship throughout its existence. Ask yourself pertinent questions. Were there challenges from the beginning? When did the dynamics shift? Why did they change? What messages did your partner convey throughout the relationship? How were you treated, and how did you treat your partner? Was there a commitment, and were both parties transparent about their feelings?

Acknowledging the relationship dynamics helps you come to terms with the nature of the relationship and identify areas that could have been handled differently. 

Accept the breakup

Getting over a breakup is never easy. There will be some level of disappointment that you must overcome. While there may be a disruption to the normal flow of your life with the termination of your relationship, accepting it will help you heal faster.

 It is crucial that you not find ways to hold on to the relationship. You need time to gather your thoughts and reflect on what led you to the decision to part ways. Forcing the relationship to drag along without putting the necessary time and space to process everything will only make things worse and delay the inevitable. 

Focus on self-love

While you may be quick to think you will never dishonor yourself by not showing yourself love, you probably do it every day. Putting your peace aside for immediate gratification is not good self-care practice because focusing on only what makes you happy for the moment keeps you unhappy eternally. Focusing on yourself allows you to accept what you need to maintain a balanced and holistic life, including relationally. 

Forgive 

Forgiveness is a virtue. (I believe that is the saying, but if it is not, the saying still holds true.) To continue moving forward in peace, with or without the relationship, you must forgive. Don't fret. Forgiveness is not about making your ex-partner feel good while you remain in misery. In fact, it is for you to have peace in your mind without holding grudges and ill feelings towards something that you cannot change. Forgiving your partner and yourself allows you to think freely and make good decisions about your future. 

Conclusion

There is no magic wand to wave to help you wipe away the memories that will plague your mind once the relationship is over. You may feel the frustration, anxiety, anger, disappointment, and hurt that come with a relationship ending. However, taking the time to process the breakup by acknowledging the relationship, accepting the breakup, focusing on self-love, and forgiving will ensure that you manage it in a healthy manner. 

Naeemah Adero

naeemahadero@gmail.com

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