Fulfilling Relationship Needs

When we enter into a relationship, we expect to experience happiness and joy that fills our souls and causes us to feel giddy on the inside. And it is okay to want to feel good and special with the person you are dating or in a relationship with. That feeling of joy and excitement is one of the indications that you are with someone with whom you have chemistry. However, there are needs that you will have in your relationship that will trump the warm feeling you want to have with your partner.

I have gone out with guys I had good times with, and they made me feel good the moments I was with them. But the unfortunate thing about those moments was that the feeling only lasted the duration of time I was in their presence because once the time together ended, I knew they were not going to give me the things that I needed to have a fulfilled relationship.

Just because someone provides you with immediate pleasure does not mean that they can provide you with life-long security. I am not saying that people cannot change. However, you must commit to or marry the person who shows you that they are prepared to take care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. The key words here are show you and are prepared, NOT say they are prepared, or the person you hope is prepared. When you commit to someone, you are choosing to give your energy, resources, time, and body (when married) to the person you see before you.

The unfortunate thing is many people give themselves to a person they hope to see but do not see yet. They hope to be giving themselves to a person who loves them, honors them, cares for them, respects them, and wants them, but they find themselves hooking up with someone they want to change. Trying to change someone to be what you want never works.

So, what do you need to have a fulfilling and satisfying relationship?

PEACE

The first thing you need is peace. Where there is peace, there is God.

I am not saying that your relationship will not experience challenges. You better believe that it will and should. Why should it? Because we are human (not perfect), and challenges make us stronger. However, there should be a level of calm in the middle of the storm.

What this means is that even when you and your partner have disagreements, the love you two share should outweigh the trouble you are experiencing at the moment.

Your being with your partner should bring you joy, excitement, increase, unity, and resolve. You should be able to trust that your partner is exhibiting good character and pure motives at all times.

You should be able to put into words the sound characteristics of your partner and the good things your partner does for and with you. You should be able to exclaim that you and your partner have more peaceable, pleasant moments than bad ones.

Your partner should also be able to confirm that they hold the same sentiments about the relationship as you do.

PARTNERSHIP

Another element you need in your relationship for it to be fulfilling is partnership. Now, partnership in marriage will look different than it will for the relationship before marriage. For nonmarital relationships, you should see a level of partnership that makes you comfortable moving into a marriage with your partner. This is the kind of partnership (nonmarital) I will reference in this section.

Your partnership should consist of healthy communication. Where there is no communication, there is speculation. You and your partner must be able to communicate in a way that is healthy and effective for reaching conclusions, results, and understanding.

A partnership also consists of unity. You and your partner must hold common values and share similar interests. A house divided against itself cannot stand (Mark 3:25). You and your partner's spiritual, ethical, and moral values should align so that there be no division going into your marriage or keeping your relationship stagnate and volatile. You must be able to work together to grow and provide a peaceful environment for yourself, your partner, your family, and everyone's mental and physical health.

SUPPORT

Another necessity is support. There is a saying: you can do bad by yourself. You must give to and receive support from your partner. Again, support in relationships is a little different from the support you should expect in a marriage. Like before, I am focusing on nonmarital support in relationships.

Support in relationships should provide for your partner's needs in times of sickness, celebration, grief, and basic needs. You will not know if your partner can support you in these needs if you rush to marry them without witnessing a level of them being there for you and/or someone else in different seasons of your life.

Supporting you in these needs is not an obligation like it would be if you and your partnewere married. However, your partner showing up for you when you are being celebrated, caring for you in various ways that are available when you are sick (like picking up your meds and bringing you food, etc.), being a comfort, support, and listening ear in the time of grief and heartache, and helping you to the best of their ability and within reason when you need something that is of a necessity to you is essential in showing you that they care and support you, especially when you need them most.

STABILITY

Stability is the last element I want to share that is needed for a fulfilling relationship. A partner can provide stability by being consistent, responsible, present, and affirming.

When your partner is consistent, you know they are dependable. You will be able to count on them to be there for you. Knowing and seeing that from your partner provides peace of mind and clarity.

Another thing your partner's consistency provides is your regard for them because when there is a break in their consistency, it alerts you that something is wrong, and you know to check on their well-being.

A responsible and present partner provides you with security and comfort.

A responsible partner is going to make sure that things get done and are done right. Knowing that things will be taken care of gives you safety. Even when things seem shaky, you know you are cared for because a responsible partner will respond accordingly.

A partner's presence provides you with comfort and helps you feel special and noticeable. Their presence also provides experience and memories.

These elements provide an essential level of fulfillment in a relationship. When a partner neglects these needs, there is a lack of relational satisfaction. You should not expect your partner to be perfect and must understand that they will not always get things done flawlessly. However, having a partner that provides peace, unity, stability, and support is needed to ensure that your relationship has solidification.

Naeemah Adero

Life with Adero

naeemahadero@gmail.com